Take a look below at the amusing takes we found for a number of popular business terms!
: Someone who has not read the instructions, but who will nevertheless feel qualified to install a program and, when it does not function correctly, pronounce it incompatible with the operating system. (Priscilla Mann) : Used of oneself, to enter into a constructive collaboration with another person. Used of someone else, to do exactly as one is told. (Gordon Burnside) : An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. (Ambrose Bierce) : What you later regret not doing. : The only place where success comes before work. : Damage-It-Yourself. (Mike Allen) : Typing your own name into google to see whos talking about you. : 1. The ability to repeat one’s mistakes with ever-increasing confidence. (Patrick Hoyte) 2. What you get when you don’t get what you want. : Frequently Avoided Questions. A company’s attempt to answer commonly asked questions such as, “How do I get technical support?” (Guy Kawasaki) : A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative. : A graphic representation of a bowl of spaghetti. : To collect unemployment. : The parts of a computer which can be kicked. : A catch basin for everything you don’t want to deal with, but are afraid to throw away. : Deliberately disobeying a destructive order from your manager and being right in the long run. : An ineptitude for mathematics which results in the fear of all sums. (Simon Stacey) : An explanation of how to use something written in a way that is easily understood only by the author. (Phil Smith) : Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. (Robert Frost) : term (coined by the greatest marketer of all time) for a plan that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich : The art of getting other people to do the work. : Someone who tells you how to do improve doing something that he or she can’t do at all. (Shankar Sivanandan) : The art of selling a product that doesn’t cost much to produce in such a way that people will take out a small loan to own it. (Jo Buckingham) : An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem. : An input device designed to make computer errors easier to generate. : Doing two or more useless activities simultaneously instead of working. : To seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking together of heads. : The belief that all business problems can magically be solved by outsourcing. : Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor. : The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer. (Rich Hall) : See recursive. : The closest many of us will ever come to perfection. : A program that enables computer users to locate information and advertisers to locate computer users. (Damien Whinnery) : Jobless. : Anything that you cant afford. : A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until sometime after those creating it have left the organization. : The art of getting your point across without stabbing someone with it. : The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away. : A commercial delivery system. : Setting the alarm clock ahead of the real time in order to fool yourself into thinking you are not getting up so early. (Rich Hall) : A person for whom the government makes customized laws. : A career placement service for humanities majors. : Selling more cheaply than we do. : The times between when companies innovate and when Microsoft incorporates. (Guy Kawasaki) : Knowing what to do with what you know.
: The virtue you are forced to use if your boss has no daughter. : The levels of management where big, impractical, and counterproductive decisions are made. : The art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need. (Will Rogers) : Not compatible with earlier versions. : The lack of clarity in speech, or something like that. : The act of submitting applications. : An exchange of words between people with diametrically opposed views, all of whom know that they are right. (Kevin Boddington) : A method of collectively finding one to blame for a mistake no one is willing to confess to. Often occurs in the form of a meeting of colleagues at work, gathered to decide who is to blame for a problem. : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. : An electronic device for one-to-one communication and one-to-many irritation. (Chris Simmons) : See reasoning, circular. : Someone who isnt civil and doesnt serve. : A stylish deed. : A disorder often suffered by novice computer users in which they have a tendency to double-click on items which only require one click, often resulting in two items opening instead of just one. : 1. An exact duplicate; “Our product is a clone of their product.” 2. A shoddy, spurious copy; “Their product is a clone of our product.” : An entity that keeps minutes and loses hours. : Something that one has to get in order to get it. (Dave Peters) : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. : An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities. (Warwick Annear)